I was one of those annoying kids who knew from early on that they wanted to be an artist when they grew up. That knowledge transformed, got lost along the way, and came back in style plenty of times as I got older. But some kind of drive has always been there, and it has made me who I am today: an annoying adult who’s still trying to be an artist.
After drawing anime, cartoons, and fan-art as a kid, a persistent depression, powered by being othered as an immigrant with gender dysphoria, made me go on a long, soul-searching process that got me so far away from drawing you would think I had no creative bone left in me. Fan-art simply wasn’t cutting it anymore, and I didn’t know one could do such a thing as write or draw about one’s own life or make cartoons about adult issues.
However, something in me was still interested in the craft enough to save my lunch money to buy comics. After some time, I came across comics that were different enough from the usual selection to get me hooked. They weren’t about superheroes; they were about sad teenagers living on the outskirts of society. There was nothing ecstatic about them and they were more real than the other media I was consuming at the time. I was a teenager, and I was sad all the time. What else did I need? It took me some more time to actually get into making my own though.
My first ever comic was the longest one-shot I’ve ever written – it was called La Chiamata (The Calling). It was 224 pages long and, for some inexplicable reason, it got published in 2018 by BeccoGiallo Editore without too much hassle. I’m glad it got the reception it did, and I’m particularly happy with how critics spotted that its ending didn’t tie up all loose ends. I’m still unbelievably proud of the efforts I put into that book and of the fact that it got nominated for some awards (and won one of them).
Getting La Chiamata published gave me enough credibility to start a career as a book illustrator, and while I would still draw my own stories, I ended up illustrating other people’s more often than my own – I never said no to a gig. From Matteo Marino’s I segreti di David Lynch to Alberto Rosa’s La Regina di New York, from Sacerdotesse, imperatrici e regine della musica by Clarice Trombella to Pinguini Tattici Nucleari a fumetti by Lorenzo LaNeve, I took it all in – and this doesn’t even include self published magazines, or one shot illustrations.
All of a sudden it felt like things were looking up, as if at some point I’d be able to get a stable flow of cash to live on my own. Unfortunately, Italy isn’t that kind, especially to families of immigrants with children who have ‘gender issues’. I had to move back in with my parents, who didn’t have much money either. I got a day job, and all the side gigs I could find, to help keep everyone afloat.
That’s when I started writing a new story that I tried to submit to La Maison des Auteurs in Angouleme, France, thinking that was going to be my ticket out of the country. What powered me at that point was desperation more than ambition. It’s easy to see now all of the flaws that story had, but I kept on thinking:“If only I could get out of here.” La Maison rejected the pitch. I bought a ticket to Ireland, where I knew I could reassess my skills and try to get into animation. The day after the end of my contract as a store clerk, I was on a plane. It’s been almost six years and I’ve never looked back. It’s by sheer luck and happy coincidences that I got here and am still here today.
As one could easily predict, I kept on making comics while working in animation in Ireland; quick strips online aside, I tried to get my comic The Unloved published in the United States and in Europe to no avail, which led to self-publishing. It’s still one of the projects that’s closest to my heart, even if it may never go anywhere. I got in contact with Irish Comics, started making some work for them like That’s the craic and published my first webseries Welcome to the Shibari Dojo, but the peak of it all was illustrating Under pressure, Davide Costa’s story for Loud – an anthology of feminist stories made by the collective against harassment in comics, Moleste, of which I’m one of the original founders. Not only did it manage to win a Boscarato Award, but it got published in the States by Dark Horse. I have rarely been happier of my contribution to a collective job. Thank God it was during this time that I got myself an iPad and a more powerful computer – there’s not enough I could say that would manage to summarise how much easier they made my life!
Before the digital times, I was a huge fan of watercolours and ink pen brushes. Poverty led me to adopt other mechanisms; I got myself the cheapest Wacom tablet I could find and worked off a 6GB RAM laptop for as long as I could. I kept it until I relocated to Ireland and got better equipment – at that point, my machine was barely functioning. But for the comics I make, which are very sketchy and rough, it managed to do the job. I’ve got to thank my first gig at Brown Bag for introducing me to better laptops and gear in general – I can’t imagine not working off a Cintiq and my 64 GB RAM computer when times get rough!
Comics and cartoons were huge reasons why I decided to be an artist. I just wanted to draw and tell stories as interesting as those I grew up with. Animation was expensive, however, and it usually takes the kind of power that can only be achieved by a team. There was no way my folks could afford to send me to university, and it felt completely out of reach. Nowadays, after having completed many comics, illustrated books, and an online webcomic, I’m all the more invested in telling my stories, both in comics and animation. As far as animated shorts go, I started with a horror short about my life called nostalgia, went through an awkward attempt at a longer film with there’s a light and ended up with another go, a short about Borderline Personality Disorder that managed to get in so many festivals I will never thank the selectors enough for believing in me, even though I’m just a person making limited animation with very limited resources. As my last project, see you soon, touched yet another nice subject, which is trans people and alcoholism, I’m getting ready to expand my horizon and manage to tell more than just one story at once. However, at the moment, after transitioning and starting my own life, more than anything, I’m just happy with who I am and what I’m doing. That’s plenty for me.
Eli (Elisa Beli Borrelli) is a trans non binary creator born and raised in Italy, originally from Albania. They make animated shorts, comics, illustrations and way too many unfunny jokes.
